Life After Divorce

by Malec and Associates

The end of a marriage is without a doubt a tough thing. Two people stand up in front of family and friends and vow to be together “till death do us part”.  What often starts out with hopes and dreams for the future ends with pain, heartbreak and doubt. Whether you are the one who decides, the other person wants out or it is a mutual recognition that the marriage is over, everyone is faced with life after divorce. Here are three tips that can help guide you forward through this tough time.

Step 1: Separating yourself from the relationship. Even though you were part of the relationship, both the things that made it work and the things that made it fail, you are not the relationship. It can be hard to accept that a relationship that doesn’t work doesn’t mean you are unlovable, but it is true. You are loveable and can become even more so by recognizing you are more than one relationship.

Step 2: Use a failed relationship to help you grow. The grim reality is that second marriages last half as long as first marriages. Why is that? Because often when a relationship ends it can be easy to blame the end on the other person. By using a failed relationship to examine yourself, both your strengths and limitations, you can grow and become a better person and then a better partner. Do you, for example, enter relationships with insecurities that make it hard for you to trust? Have you neglected your friends and interests, and then put all of your happiness on a mate? Perhaps, you have trouble with anger and end up saying unkind things when stressed. Without “fixing” these habits, you can end up putting a heavy burden on the next love relationship.

Step 3: Remember love is a risk. Heal your heart, learn to be happy by yourself and then enter the world of dating with a bold heart. For love to be real, you must know that sometimes love won’t last. Trying to prevent heartbreak will rob any relationship of any ability to grow. You can never take the risk out of loving, so it must have freedom to find its way.