Our world has changed so much with the advent of smartphones. Untethered from the cord which kept it attached to the wall in our homes, we are free [and sometimes dependent on] always carrying it with us. This option brings with it the ability to choose when we use it for purposes other than making phone calls. Accessing the internet makes the phone our connection to the world and with it the risk of disconnecting from the physical world around us. This, unfortunately, has made us more isolated, more lonely and more dependent on the manufactured world within our phones. Without picking up our phones and scrolling, we are bored and unsettled. We are losing our ability to “entertain” ourselves and to “soothe” ourselves in even the most benign situations, such when we are waiting in a line or at a doctor’s office. They have become our pacifiers. Here are three signs you are spending too much time online.

• You very seldom have empty time without looking at your phone. If you are waiting for a commercial/ad to finish while watching a show, do you pick up your phone and scroll? If you are in line at the grocery store, do you pull your phone out and “check it” [aka: look at social media, or other sites]. Do you find it hard to sit and eat without having your phone beside you and scrolling when eating?
• You find yourself engaging in relationships online more than you do in-person. Are you commenting, liking, replying, reposting, posting more than you do calling friends, meeting friends, engaging in your local community? How much time do you spend participating in your local community in a way that would bring new people into your life? How many new people have you met and spent time within the past year?
• You struggle with depression and anxiety making it hard to connect with people “offline”. Are you uncomfortable in social situations? Do you tend to stay in your “comfort zone” because going out is feeling less appealing? Is meeting with people causing more feelings of insecurity? Do you feel like you are watching the world from inside a bubble or seeing the world from behind a glass barrier?

If any [or all] of these signs are true for you, it is time to put down your phone. At first you will feel uncomfortable but use that discomfort as a sign of “withdrawals” and recognize that it will pass. The world inside your phone is to be a small and relatively a minor tool for connecting with others. Most of your meaningful connections will come from engaging in the world outside your door. The more a person “lives” inside their phone, the more isolated and lonelier they will become.